Social Media Integrity at Work and in Your Community - Do you have it?

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Hey there. I cannot tell you how much it means to me that you are tuning in and catching an episode of up in flames. I'm your host. But more importantly, your advocate Abby Bowl. If you've been listening to me for some time or of this your first time checking in, whichever it is, you probably know that. Well, no, no. B s kind of gal and my whole concept with up in flames was because, Well, I come from a fire background, so of course I love fire in the concept of flames, but, uh, the whole idea of like going down in flames, like trying to do the right thing, burning bridges and going down. And I thought, you know what? We need to go up like somebody lights that crap on fire. They need to be able to go up in flames, I guess. I mean, it's the whole Phoenix concept, right? But that's where this came from, going up in flames. So I talk about stuff that can really rip people down or, you know, just call B s out on things. So I'm so glad you're on this journey with me, because it sure It could be all over the place sometimes, but hopefully it reaches out to some folks, helps people be a little bit better wherever they're at in their lives. And a lot of this stuff is about the workplace. It's about being a better Pierre, better bystander. All the above, I guess I should say, But I just wanna say thanks. Thanks for being here being a part of my madness and check out everything I got going on. Check me out, Abby bull dot com Check me out on Facebook and Instagram and linked in and all that stuff. But I just want to make the world a little bit better place. And even if I could just affect this little tiny slice of it, I want to do that. It has not been easy. There been some people that have not been nice to me, and I've done some really rotten things as a way to get back at me. It's happening right now. I'm dealing with something right now. That is just You wouldn't even believe me if I told you to be honest, but there's a lot of really good people that have my back and I appreciate all of you so much. Thank you for being here. Thank you for listening. Thank you for subscribing. And I really enjoy your feedback when it comes through. So with that, I'm gonna talk to you guys today about a video that I actually posted up on Facebook by my guest last week or so. There was something going on in one of the Facebook groups that I moderate that I created a while back called Wildfire Women. The whole reason I created that group was to be a safe place for gals and fire to come and be able to bounce things off each other. Because, well, with women in fire, there's just not that many of us spread out across the country. So if you're all in a fire, there might be several of them. But in your town, there may just be one or two, and you don't get that much of a chance to talk to each other. So I thought it was literally one night after along. Fire got home about three o'clock in the morning. And when you do, you usually just kind of amped up, and my brain was spending and I was laying there, couldn't sleep, and I had had this conversation on the fire line with a gallon. We were talking about how, like, how awesome it is to be ableto catch up with women and fire, but out rare it is to actually run into someone on the line and be ableto have those time for those one on one conversations. So we were just talking about the value in that. And of course, I'm kind of Ah, spontaneous kind of cal, kind of knee jerk. A little bit sometimes, sometimes good, sometimes bad. But anyway, that night I had just an idea, like, I'm gonna start a group. So this was four or five years ago, and I started a group called Wildfire Women and made it private toe where just not anyone could see it enjoying where it really kind of had to be like an invite kind of thing. So if you were in fired, you knew another gal that was environ, you'd invite her and she would come in and get approved. And that way to keep it a safe is possible. And it has been a really safe place where a lot of really good feedback has happened. It's been very valuable, and I know there's a lot of groups like this out on Facebook and other social media channels. What we know that putting things on liner, you know, of course, it's never My mom always told me when I was a kid is don't ever write put anything on paper that you don't want everybody to know, You know, that came from like passing notes around the classroom. She said, Somebody, if you ever write it down, somebody's gonna be able to see it in her to with it Well, from that lesson that she gave me back when I was a little bitty kid Thio, where we are now with what we're sharing and sending and texting and all of this stuff. We've definitely come come a long ways from that. So in this group, they're, um, something came up where someone had shared a screenshot of a pretty personal issue, and I don't know who they shared it with directly, but they shared it and then it got shared by somebody who has an instagram feed that is just all about making fun of people, mainly firefighters, and that person posted on there and just some nasty trolls got ahold of it. And we're just completely not even on topic. They were just being nasty. And but that that screen shot came from a place where somebody felt safe and it wasn't even near is private of things that we usually talk about. It was something is actually celebrating something, celebrating her engagement photos and something she felt really great about. Um but she didn't put it out in public. She just shared it with us to get feedback from us. And then it just turned really ugly. And then later that week, you know, we gotta rein on that. I reached out to the person on Instagram who posted and just respectfully let him know, like how important it was to me that, you know, the dignity be kept there and and what it would mean if he could take that down in that person was very responsive and kind and took it down. And I really appreciated that where he got it. I don't know. He may have gotten it from somewhere where he had no idea that it wasn't intended to be public. So now one turned out good. And then the same week, another group that I meant of Fire women, which is a much larger group because it includes structure women. The same thing happened except it was even. It even got uglier. And all this tell you guys what it was like. It was It was a gal who reached out to other women asking how they deal with some of the things that go on when she's on her period and tryingto work in fire. And it was just a very I mean girls have girl questions, and that was the whole reason that we started these groups and she had some really great support and feedback. And honestly, there's sometimes some women that, you know, if guys, if I'm making it, like, super comfortable right now, I'm really sorry. But gals have different issues in dudes. D'oh. I mean, it's just how it is. We don't have to read about how we're gonna physician our junk in her inner Jones with our gear, and you don't have to worry about our issues. And so we just all kind of have our things and gals don't really like to talk about things like that on the Open. But she probably doesn't even have anybody close enough working with her toe where she can ask those kind of questions. And so she felt like she was in a safe place, reached out Well, somebody screenshot of that, gave it to a troll. That troll used it on there, merit that one was instagram as well, or Facebook and just completely exploited it, shaming her and just And of course, everybody jumped on board. And I even have some friends that are following these kind of pages and sometimes contribute. And I just want to put you guys in check. And I want you all to be thinking about what it is that you're posting and who you might be hurting and where that might have come from originally. Now, in this scenario, I reached out Thio the troll that was using this post to grow his own Voller ship, I guess, and harm people and make people laugh. I reach out to him. Justus, respectfully is the last one. Very kind to the point. I didn't say nearly what I wanted to say, but I reached out to him and he came back with sheer nastiness and a threat, basically telling me that we didn't knock it off a CZ. Girls didn't knock it off. It was only gonna get worse for us. And we should know better than to talk about this kind of stuff. And he just I mean, he he wrote to me as ugly as I'm sure that his spirit is, and half of me just feels bad for him. And he blocked me. Of course, I couldn't try to reply with another very respectful reply, and it didn't go anywhere because he shot off his little thing and then, of course, blocked me. And clearly that's just how he makes his life. What really kills me is that in both of these situations, thes people are in the fire service and they're not living by the values that they're trained by that that really bothers me, because this stuff is usually coming from the inside of a department. And this stuff causes causes, um, severe mental and emotional problems and people. And if you don't know what I'm talking about, it's just cause you've never lived it. It happens. I mean, it's it's all over the news. All the time and I can see what's happening. I mean, people on the inside, they see something vulnerable from someone else. They think it's funny and they get some sort of high from taking a screenshot of it and sending it to another person so that they can then share it and laugh and make them feel ashamed, you know? And if you guys get these sort of screenshots from people, I mean, we all set him to each other all the time before you share that or put it on blast, think about where it came from. And if you don't know, find out because it's now on yours. Ethical shoulders. If you're gonna share it with somebody else to make someone else laugh, you damn well there and make sure that it didn't come from somewhere with intended privacy because you are no better than the person that captured it and sent it on. You are now just a cz bad, and as much a part of it is, they are. And I mean, if if what you're intending is just too cast sheer harm upon somebody, then that's go for that's what you're doing. You're just being evil with it. I mean, it's it's not cool. So one something comes in your hands. It's now up to you to ground truth It and I like to laugh at people just like anybody else. And I love the goofy picture. The funny mean the little things about people in this world that they do that we can laugh at and make fun of, to feel better in our lives. I mean, I use names of people doing retarded things all the time because it's flipping funny. And I'm working that maybe some of those beams came from a place that wasn't intended to be public and harm somebody. It's something that I do think about a lot, and I'm I'm not saying that this stuff doesn't happen or that it's not healthy or that we can stop it. What I'm saying is that it's extremely wrong to take a poster, a picture that someone else shared, thinking it would be kept private and using it to make fun of them and a gain something at someone else's expense and basically bring them extreme shame. Yeah, I know that any time we can put something online and it could be easily stolen mom and shared publicly and used to hurt us. I know that. But there are groups were sort of privacy is like implied where people feel safer reaching out to their peers. And when you see something in a private group that you think is lame or stupid or ridiculous, you can laugh. You be annoyed. You can roll your eyes. I don't care how you personally feel about it. But when you're in one of those groups and it's intended to be private and save, the last thing you do is take a copy of it and send it to someone to make fun of them. It's just what someone did inside the site and shared it, and it was used on Instagram page. That's its sole purpose is to make fun of firefighters. And don't get me wrong. There are a lot of photos out there that are hilarious and a lot of pictures that make fun of people doing things the wrong way or the look on their face is ridiculous. Or there complete baggers or they're just such a rookie that it's so obvious, or or I can go on and on. Sure, that's all out there, but the majority of it was captured from somewhere that was was public. I mean, all that stuff was sent out public, and it was intended to be public because it was, I don't know, could have come from a news stream. Could've come from pictures posted publicly. But there, when there's a sacred group like a wild land firefighter, women's group or anything that you're a member of, I mean, it could be what if you're a member of the LGBT community, you're in a group that on Lee has people from that community, so you can share information with each other and feel safe. And if someone uses that against you, you never intended to feel that way in that group. It could be a group of postpartum moms who are suffering with depression, and they're sharing vulnerable things on there. It could be a group of men who are dealing with losing their wife. For parents dealing with losing the loss of a child. The groups are endless, and what we must have is a feeling of safety. In this new digital age. We must have integrity so that we know and we can be vulnerable, and it's not gonna be used against us when we're sharing it somewhere that we feel safe. With all this new digital age that's rolling along faster than we can possibly keep up with the chances of things being used against us, their greater than ever. You could be on a camera to stop like you could be on and Cameron someone's car, which I finally got totally tuned into that got the camera roll in. Uh, you could be on a camera, a restaurant where somebody could just be filming you on the street. I mean, it's everywhere. Our lives are being captured everywhere. But if we ist carrying, human beings cannot at least trust our appears around us. We're never going to be able to take care of each other. It's on Lee gonna get worse. People are only going to pull further back and farther into the darkness. Some of these groups like the one I'm talking about. Sometimes I don't know somebody. It might be the only place that they have. The only thing they have, it might be the only thing saving someone from suicide. It maybe saving someone from hurting someone else. You have to see how valuable things like this are, and you have to value them and keep each other accountable. Except all of us to keep an eye on each other and make sure that we're staying above board and doing things right. We can all slip. I do. I slip all the time. It's not that easy. Life is hard. Making decisions that never hurt anyone is hard, but there there's some that can be really easy to make, and it could be sharing someone's personal information in a way that can hurt their feelings. You can easily choose not to do that. You can easily choose, not toe like or heart something or not to promote it or to share it. You can easily report on account that are doing these things in. You can tell your buddy to knock it off because whatever they're doing or sharing just isn't cool. The more of us out there holding each other accountable, all it can dio is improve our culture. I don't know what the answer is, and I know that we can all watch out and keep the creeps out wherever possible. But if we can just at least put off the energy that it's not cool and make this encouraging comments to people and remind them that their integrity is really important. Like, I know that you don't want to be the police of all your friends, social media, but you can not participate in it. And you can just, you know, make this little ankle comments and just let people know it. Hey, man, that's left up like I wouldn't want you doing that. Tow my kid or my sister or my brother. You know, we can all be better. We can choose not to be a part of it. And do me a favor. Help make it better. Choose the hard right over. Gosh, I don't know. Easy sharing and laughing. Yes, that would be one way to put it. Whatever it means to you, however, it is that you can improve these things going on on social media. Let me know. Give me some feedback. Reach out to me on Instagram or Facebook or you can email me at Abbey it up in flames dot warg And I don't know, just let me know either what you've seen or what you've done toe Kind of bring it to a little slow down or halt. You guys have got abby bolt dot com. Find out more information about this and many other controversial subjects were Turner, you know, bring out some more moral courage in our communities in the workplace and talk about what it means to lead with fire, fearlessness, integrity, resilience and empathy. So, yeah, give me a shout out. Let me know what you guys think. I just appreciate whenever you hear from you guys and if you believe in this mission of what I'm doing, my goal is to keep it going organically. And you know I'm not getting paid to do it. I'm not. I am doing it on the power of you guys. And if you would like to help me keep this podcast going to help me with some of the production costs, I would love that. It would mean so much to me if he became a patron. So check out patri on dot com, slash up in flames podcast and be a part of it. Nobody else even has to know that you're backing up a good cause, or everybody can know. So if you guys wanna be a part of that? It would mean a ton to me. I would greatly appreciate it. Follow me on social media. Reach out to me and you guys choose the hard right over easy silence every day with that, You guys have a great day.